The Collected Regrets of Clover - Mikki Brammer: Audiobook narrated by Jennifer Pickens

What a fascinating look at the impact of death and loss on the development of Clover; Brammer grabbed me on the very first page. . Beginning with witnessing the death of her teacher in kindergarten, experiencing the loss of her parents, and the grandfather who raised her, Clover’s experiences lead her to become a death doula. She spends her life alternating between being isolated in the apartment left to her by her grandfather, still filled with his things and comforting her clients as they approach death. She recognizes that she is lonely and spends some time at grief group meetings where she meets Sebastian who ultimately hires her to stay with his grandmother who is dying. Simultaneously she begins to spend some time very reluctantly with Sophie who has just moved into her apartment building. These experiences combined very slowly encourage Clover to step out of her comfort zone and begin to live.

Brammer explores Clover’s development in such a lovely and compassionate way. Because I feel so shaped by an early loss in my life - I was drawn to Clover immediately. Since I had the novel in audio form, the sadness communicated by Jennifer Pickens reinforced Clover’s sense of loss. The beautiful way that she comforted others drew me in as well. Her slow growth through meeting Sebastian and working with his grandmother, and taking chances with Sophie, and through the love of her grandfather’s friend Louie who continued to look after her. All of these characters are fully rendered with strengths and weaknesses of their own which contribute to Clover’s journey. She has to accept failures in these folks and be brave enough to develop friendships anyway. Seeing her find joy and curiosity and safety in the world again is an absolute pleasure. And certainly while I love the hint of a happy, romantic ending, I also love that she is setting out on her own adventure in the end.

In many ways the city setting serves as a character. Clover spends a great deal of time moving through the city - walking - thinking - growing - changing. When I visit the city, I am overwhelmed and anxious now, and I love seeing how it proves to be a part of Clover’s healing. Her apartment as well - as Clover takes the brave step of going through her grandfather’s things and making the place her own, Bremmer provides a beautiful illustration of her inner growth.

We are always looking for ways, I think, to process the loss that death brings. Some of my favorite books - The Book Thief, The Midnight Library - even The Invisible Life of Addie LaRue that features the inability to die - explore the topic from a variety of perspectives. For me what seems so special about this one is that it ultimately affirms the value of a life well lived. I am slow to change - I fear it. I appreciated Brammer's patience with Clover. I appreciated the cast of characters who love and support her. They remind me to be patient with myself. In a season of change, I don’t have to cross every bridge quickly, but trusting in my friends and challenging my fears - while always moving forward is really just good enough.

Thank you to Netgalley for providing me with the audiobook to review.