What We Keep: Poetry Part 2

I finished my first blog about the importance of poetry to me as follows: I want to keep the poetry that reflects my life. I want to read it again, years later. I want to study the poets and see why and how they wrote. I want to love the music and the words and the language. Maybe I even want to write poetry. Will I? 

 I thought for a while in my twenties that I might have the chops to be a poet. I took the class in college - I got good grades and a positive response from others in the class. I even got published in our student literary journal. Then you know, work and life and kids. The teaching degree that I got as a “back-up” to a writing career took over my work life. (I don’t regret that really; teaching provided so many blessings to me - but oh, time consuming!) I wrote a bit of poetry off and on, and tucked the results away -  I’m not sure I could even find them now. I tried my hand at writing most recently after I lost my mom. I know the power of writing to process emotion. I used it - in some ways successfully - to work through my own grief. 

 Mom’s Love

 Of Gatsby ~ “His count of enchanted objects 

           had diminished by one.”

I used to shed a tear

For Gatsby here.

Since you are gone,

My heart hurts for Daisy.

I wonder if she felt the sting

As do I

That the count of ones who found her enchanted

Had diminished by one.

By: Me 

A minute or two had passed since I worked at poetry with any seriousness.. I bought some books at the time - for guidance and inspiration. I really thought the desire to write had been rekindled. After a time I got busy and they remained unopened.   I kept them though for someday - when I retired - maybe. So, here I am retired. And maybe thinking about writing more. I am writing and reflecting here which is helping to flex unused muscles. The reflection is also helping me to figure out as an older person in the world what I have learned and what I think is important- as if, perhaps, I do have things to say. Maybe I’ll get back to poetry. Will I? 

What We Keep: Recipes

I love to bake, and I may love to cook. I have tried to start improving my cooking skills with some newly gifted cookbooks, and I talk about that experience here. With more rest and more time, I hope to develop a better appreciation for the art. I have long been fascinated by cookbooks as I am by all other books. So they and a random hodgepodge of printed, ripped out of magazine, photocopied recipes certainly contribute to my clutter. You guys. We keep our recipes from our delivery meals. We use EveryPlate and we keep the instruction cards. And yes, sometimes we even use them multiple times.  

My mom didn’t love to cook. But she did have a fair share of cookbooks and recipes that she counted among her favorites. I’m a tad disappointed that many of her recipes are in MY handwriting because she thought it was so much neater, but I did capture a few back in the day with a cook/scrapbook project I did to capture some favorite family recipes for my siblings and me. As we cleaned out the house this summer, we each chose the cookbooks that appealed to us. Some were left behind. (My siblings helped me to let go - Can’t keep everything with her handwriting in it. I know they were right.) We put them in the yard sale. And…here is what happened. A woman who was browsing bought them. She cried as she told me that her family had gotten rid of all the cookbooks that her mom had written in. She was going to cook through these and enjoy my mom’s notes. I’m glad we shared. I’m glad I kept a couple.

Back when my daughter got married (2015), I bought a book to record the family favorites for her. Then I couldn’t find it. Book clutter is real; the process of dealing with that  is coming. I have since stumbled upon it and am thinking of going through the drawer of doom and copying into it some of my favorites that are just floating around in there - to get rid of the paper mess. She may ultimately end up with the book anyway. I should PROBABLY get rid of the cookbooks that I HAVE NOT TOUCHED in years. (How are you betting?) The new ones are on display, and I am genuinely committed to using them, recording notes for my kids to worry about someday (or perhaps for a stranger who needs the comfort), and trying new food to get us out of a rut. I’ll be sharing them in the cook book articles. Hopefully recording this here will help me be more accountable about that. 

And last, but certainly not least, spaghetti, which has long been one of my favorite foods. I love it - with meat sauce, with meatballs, if I’m dieting, with just sauce. Since I married in 1988, I have enjoyed my spaghetti with my in-laws’ homemade spaghetti sauce. They grow the tomatoes (most years) and transform them into this delicious sauce. This spaghetti sauce  is the only one that my kids know. As our family grew, my mother and father in law  single handedly kept the whole family in sauce. My kids in college got homemade sauce. Time is a thief. Cancer and age made this task pretty difficult this year. So…my husband and I got our lesson. Two different Sunday afternoons we stepped in to learn the craft. Let’s be clear, they had the process honed to perfection. We had much to learn, and like driving a car, I suspect when we step into the kitchen ourselves someday, it will be a bit like we had never practiced. But I am grateful that we are preserving the recipe that is so much at the heart of our family and that we are learning from the experts. I hope that we can continue in love as they have done - that someday our grandboy will remember our sauce and that it will remind him of the love that his great grandparents have for him and his parents and his grandparents. And the love we have for him is well. This…is something we will keep. 

What We Keep: Poetry

I have always loved poetry. I have been trying to figure out when the love started, and I just can’t. I remember the first poem I memorized in second grade. I remember my poetry writing class in college. I don’t remember ever not loving poetry. Mostly, however, I have always tended to relegate poetry to the “when I have time” part of my life. Oh I was lucky, because my career as an English Teacher, specifically in my AP Lit course allowed me to teach poetry and to some extent forced me to stay at least generally aware of new poets of note. I loved building a list of poems for my students to write about, because I could explore new poets and poetry and call it work. I have collected books of poetry over the years as I explored, always telling my students that “when I retire, I’d have more time to read and learn from them.” I have yet to study these books. They still seem, I don’t know, frivolous in the light of other things I think need done, but I don’t really think that. Still, poetry remains intrinsic to me. After I lost my mom in 2015, I turned to poetry for solace. My brother in law sent the following: 

The Bustle in a House
The Morning after Death
Is solemnest of industries
Enacted upon Earth –

The Sweeping up the Heart
And putting Love away
We shall not want to use again
Until Eternity –
Emily Dickinson

Emily knew grief, and I find comfort in her words here - both practical and touching…eternity…I needed to process the grief and loss that I felt at the time. This poem captured my feelings well. 

Emily is one of my favorite poets. I’m sure it has something to do with reading “Because I could not stop for death” in high school, but my love for her work was cemented when I studied her in college. Teaching her work made me love it more. The deeper I dug, the more I found to admire. Very specifically, I have books about Emily that I have gathered over the years - just waiting for me to find the time to study them. I couldn’t wait (I told my students that, often). 

Emily Dickinson Books

But then again maybe not. I look at the books; I dust them on occasion; I move them around. I have not cracked them open. I need to produce, I think? I have long listened to the impractical nature of my love of the study of literature. I remember being encouraged to major in something useful like computers. While I made a great career as a teacher of English, I have also listened to student after student ask, “How will I use this?” I always had an answer - a good one I’m certain, and yet with more time than I’ve had in a long time, I’m not studying like I’d like. Will I?

 My recent reading of Cacophony of Bone: The Circle of a Year by Kerri nĩ Dochartaigh really reminded me of the sacredness and the importance of the written word. Her reliance on the words of the writers she read and admired to move through the changes of 2020 and her own battles and losses within them truly meant something to me. Her own words meant something to me. She quoted so many of my favorites: Elizabeth Bishop, Mary Oliver, Seamus Heaney and more. (Bishop’s “One Art” speaks to a grief of its own. Just beautiful.) I bought Dochartaigh’s book in print to further explore the authors there. Will I?

Stack of Poetry Books

I’m hoping to soon work on downsizing my books and reorganizing my shelves. Oh I have read article after article and have not started yet :-) But I want to keep poetry. Even if the collections haven’t been touched recently or if I only read them once or if the covers are damaged, and the pages yellowed. I want to keep the poetry that reflects my life. I want to read it again, years later. I want to study the poets and see why and how they wrote. I want to love the music and the words and the language. Maybe I even want to write poetry. Will I? 

Cooking & Cookbooks: Julia Child

Some of my favorite books are cookbooks. I am strictly amateur, so a formal review of a cookbook is unlikely. A report of my adventures with it, however, seems natural to me. Writing about this will force me into using some from my collection (I got FOUR as retirement gifts), and get me in the kitchen trying new foods.

I started with Julia Child’s Mastering the Art of French Cooking with Louisette Bertholle and Simone Beck. Go big or go home, right? My interest in Julia (Can I call her Julia?) began with the 2009 film Julie and Julia. While I had vague memories of seeing her on TV as a child and of course the famous SNL sketch, I was not that familiar with her until Meryl Streep brought her alive for me in that film. I followed up with reading that book, and becoming much more fascinated with Julia than Julie. At the same time an author was presenting at a local library luncheon - his book? A biography of Julia Child - Dearie by Bob Spitz.  I dug a bit more into Julia’s life with a History Chicks podcast episode focusing on her. Most recently HBO has produced a series featuring her life at the time of her TV show called Julia.  So for years I have been fascinated by Julia Child and her cooking. 

I had been searching for an already loved copy of the cookbook, when my daughter presented me with my very own new copy.- hoping I would have more time to use it as a retired lady. I won’t be cooking my way through the ENTIRE cookbook, but I sure will be trying some recipes out. I started with Poulet Saute aux Herbes de Provence or Chicken Sauteed with Herbs and Garlic in an Egg Yolk and Butter Sauce with a side of Garlic Mashed Potatoes. I need to begin by saying - labor intensive. I didn’t even start with a whole chicken, (Sorry, Julia!) and still hard work! I would not have been able to adequately accomplish a single other dish. Note to self: if I ever undertake this for guests other than my husband, I will have something like a salad prepared well ahead of cooking time. Next, have butter on hand. I guess that is not a surprise to anyone familiar with Childs’ cooking, but yummy butter. 

The end result, butter and all, was delightful. I am grateful to my daughter for providing the Herbes de Provence - certainly made the end result easier.

I clearly have more than a little to learn, and I doubt I’ll ever be an expert in the kitchen, but the trying was as fun as I’d hoped. But we enjoyed a good meal. I fulfilled a long time dream of completing some French cooking and intend to do more. The full recipe is out there online, but gosh, the cookbook is an experience to be sure!

Enjoy your meal! (See what I did there?) Let me know how it goes for you.

What We Keep: Holiday Part 2 - Christmas

As I work toward minimizing my stuff and simplifying my life - I could have guessed that Christmas would be a wrinkle. I do love the season and the color and the lights. Many of my decorations have been gifted to me by friends and family. Many represent certain stages in my life. Newly married, new babies, trips. kids’ colleges, etc. I like to change up my Christmas decor from year to year. So there might be things I haven’t used recently, but I struggle to rule out the use of them in the future - you know, Just when I throw it away…I might want it. I have created a situation where letting go of decor was not nearly as easy for me as I had found it in the fall - I talk about that here. Even though I had to climb over boxes of stuff from my mom and dad’s to get to the Christmas boxes - multiple times, I still couldn’t recreate the feeling of letting it go. Even as I think about my kids having to clean things up and get rid of things, the Christmas situation was difficult. 

In preparation for the holiday season, I had been reading Welcome Home by Myquillyn Smith. I have followed her on instagram for sometime - found her because of other influencers I follow. I was drawn to her peaceful demeanor and down to earth, but lovely and elegant approach to decorating her home. I was late to the party with her book. I sure didn’t think when I was teaching full time and adjuncting part time that I would have time to really approach my home and revisioning how I see it. She is as lovely and approachable in her book as she is in the socials. Her approach is a seasonal one. She advocates, for example, preparing your house for the season first with color, smell, food, etc. and then just accenting with holiday decor with a focus on three places. She advocates for versatile pieces over the variety of things available each season She talks of giving up the totes and totes filled to the brim (unless of course you want to do it that way). I was very motivated by her. In the fall, as noted in an earlier post, I definitely reduced my number of orange and black totes. But gosh, Christmas - not as much. 

I like to think I remember sifting through my Christmas things a couple of years ago. I tell myself I’ve already reduced what I have. I argue that it is perfectly sane to add some things from my mom’s collection to mine - really so vintage and so cute.

Vintage Blow Mold Santa

My first stocking

So I guess I am square in the what I am keeping portion of this experiment. I am NOT giving up on simplifying and letting go. I may even reduce Christmas when I put it away since I won’t be feeling the pressure of time as I did when decorating. (Nobody who has read a single word I’ve written would be surprised that I don’t start cleaning up until epiphany…)

What We Keep: Holiday (Probably Part One)

As I am trying to remain committed to considering what I keep and what I do not, each holiday season will require some serious attention. Early on as I was reading articles and looking at books, I was thinking I would come up with some kind of logical approach to reducing my “stuff.” I am a bit ashamed to admit that I still don’t have a logical and consistent plan. As fall decorating rolled around, I found myself in front of 4 rather large black and orange crates and some other odds and ends. I was determined to reduce and simplify. My primary sorting motive is still something like do I really want my kids to have to deal with this someday? I kind of added thoughts about when I’ve last used something. I switch up from year to year, so I can’t use a year as a parameter, but some things hadn’t been displayed for quite some time. I saved quite a few halloween kinds of things that my own children enjoyed. I was thinking that I would use them when I had grandkids to kind of decorate for. I have found now that my grandboy has been around four years, I am not really decorating for him. His birthday is in October, and he has a lovely community Halloween to be a part of, so he very seldom visits our home in October. I won’t be decorating around that. As a result much of that stuff is boxed and ready to leave my home. I also felt like I was “over” scarecrows, so also boxed and/or tossed. Other choices were made on a more individual and thoughtful level - leaving me with a collection of decor cut in half. I won’t document all of the things I kept, but I snapped a few pics of my table ready for a family thanksgiving gathering - with some of my treasures in service. 

These thanksgiving turkey candleholders belonged to my grandmother. These date from the 80s, and they are a small and lovely reminder of her. I was particularly pleased because the grand boy is absolutely delighted by turkeys this year and thought these were the bees’ knees. The joy in his face when he saw them confirmed  the choice to keep. Looking through etsy made me want to buy a bronze set, and I WILL NOT. 

The brown fiesta salt and pepper shakers are not that vintage but were a gift from my mom. I use fiesta most days so these are often in use. Easy to keep.

The green depression glass candle holders (that did eventually have tapers in them) were also my grandmother's. I just love them and am already using them for a Christmas table now that my fall gathering is over. That’s another blog I suppose, but usefulness beyond one holiday seems to be becoming important in my decisions to keep. I’m finding it to be more about color and feeling than holiday gee gaws. 

The crystal salt and pepper shakers were a gift from my mother in law early in my marriage, so they probably classify as vintage. I just love them even though crystal is not currently having a moment. 

The brown bottle comes from my husband’s family as well. I think it is a clorox which dates it between 1940 and 1960. Again, I use it in a variety of ways in a variety of seasons, but the seem to lend themselves to fall the most.  The flowers in it are paper and were hand made by a dear friend for her daughter’s wedding. The platter below it came from my mother in law. 

Thanksgving table decor

I guess I see a pattern beginning. I have a hard time letting go of sentimental things. I can see how that can become a problem moving forward as I am pretty sentimental. I’m sure much of what I considered silly was very important to my mom. Gosh. More to come I suppose.

What We Keep: History and Artifacts

My husband and I dated long distance for a couple of years. In the era before cell phones and the internet (gasp!) we relied on snail mail letters and expensive (so short) phone calls to keep in touch. I am in a mood where I can let go of the stuff that surrounds me to some extent. Such a mood is not my norm. I am a keeper of things - things I may need, that are sentimental, that exist. I guess having just spent the better part of a summer sorting through the things of my parents I am strongly motivated to do it differently. Now that I am in the mode, I find myself thinking about what we keep and what we let go in a variety of ways. The letters come to mind. They don’t take up much space and aahhhh sentimental, but I don’t really want anyone else to read them I guess. 

Coming home from a lovely lake getaway in Maine, we stopped in the New York area to do a little historical searching and touring. (Nerds on vacation.) The first stop was a small community where my mother in law’s ancestors lived in the 1600s. We saw some signs and looked at some vistas, but the real treasure was the local research room in the public library. We found good sources, photos, and ephemera associated with her ancestor. I found myself thinking how grateful I was for saved letters, journals, photos, etc. 

Our next stop was Hyde Park, the home of Franklin Delano Roosevelt and his presidential library. I love museums, and I love house tours. I am so grateful the historians and archivists have preserved so much of the important artifacts from his time in office. History comes alive in self built wheelchairs, bird collections, and signed letters and documents. I am grateful when all of these things are gathered, archived, and displayed. According to Lancaster University: “Letters are crucial sources for many different forms of history. As records of acts of communication between the great, they sometimes provide insights into the thinking of those who were directly involved in important events. Routine correspondence often provides evidence of a more mundane but no less precious kind, relating to economic activities and to the nature of social and gender relations. Love letters are in every period a particularly important source for the history of gender and of the sense of self. There is no doubting the tremendous potential of letters as historical evidence; but their value is much affected, as in the case of all the genres discussed in this course, by the conventions and practices which governed their composition, use and preservation” (https://www.lancaster.ac.uk/staff/haywardp/hist424/seminars/03.htm#:~:text=Letters%20are%20crucial%20sources%20for,directly%20involved%20in%20important%20events.).

So two things come to mind. What will we do in the future now that so many pics and so much communication is digital? I wonder how archivists are working on it. And how do I choose what to keep. I searched the Barack Obama Presidential Library and found that they are largely working with digital communications. The details are probably for a different kind of blog. People who are smarter than I are making the decisions to move forward in this new world. I won’t be president or anyone worthy of a museum, but what do the things that matter to me say to my kids and grandkids? A question worth considering to be sure. 

What We Keep: The Vintage Hutch

Decisions about keeping and letting go need to be made. I know that I need a framework - and that is certainly on my list of things to work on. But some decisions transcend any form of framework anyway. (Putting things off, anyone?) 

I don’t really have room for a dining room hutch in my house that does not have a dining room. But it lives here now anyway. My mom bought the hutch in a very difficult time - after the death of my big brother. He was 8; I was 7. We were devastated in ways that my 7 year old self didn’t fully understand. I also didn’t understand how fully it would impact the woman I would become - but that’s a story for a different blog. This one is about the vintage (circa 1973) hutch. 

My dad’s reasoning is simple. I am the only one of my siblings who knew my brother, so the hutch should remain with me. I love all things dishes and table settings, so I certainly wasn’t a tough sell, but logistics is an issue, and I don’t want to seem like a hoarder. So…justification, I love a good table cloth and have recently been collecting some vintage ones. Since the boards allow me to have three different table sizes, I have a few ;-) They are scattered in a variety of locations throughout the house. Changing the table cloth ( I have one on all the time.) becomes an issue of finding,  unwrinkling, and so on. To create a pretty table then requires wading through the runners, placemats and napkins. And, back to justifying, people on the socials are displaying linens in glass cupboards now. So I formed a plan and shuffled a chest from my grandparents (Are you seeing a pattern?) to a different location to create a space.

In my defense, I did weed the table cloth collection. I probably didn’t get rid of as many as I should, but I am committed to not out growing the hutch. (See look; I can set a boundary!) My prettiest are on display, and I can change them with the seasons. All of the things - runners, cloths, napkins, and mats are organized loosely by season and by size. Can we call that a step in the right direction?

So I’ve made minor decisions and downsized a collection just a bit. I’ve created space in some key areas. Life will be a small bit easier when I need a table put together. I still pause in a weird way when I see the hutch. I guess because it meant so much to my mom.  I think as time passes I will become accustomed to seeing it as a part of my home. So I’ve made a slow start on what needs to be a long term project and some table cloths were let go, and the hutch is a thing I kept. 

What We Keep: How Do We Decide?

Can our smartphones really hear what we are saying? I don’t really lay awake at night and worry. I don’t have many secrets or matter much in the world at large. However - I have been talking endlessly about stuff and what to keep and what to get rid of (see previous post - I’m keeping the cape). Just recently then, chrome by way of my phone, sent me to The Washington Post article “The Swedes know the secret to happiness: You are not your stuff.” by Michael J. Coren. He writes of his late mother’s apartment, “Each item, on its own, wasn’t unreasonable. The aggregate proved overwhelming.” I’m certain that statement is true of my stuff. He writes of giving things away, of the yard sale (mine is pending), and the truck to haul things away. He cites Sharon, who like me, wanted to spare her own children the ordeal of going through her things. So she did it herself. Go Sharon. Cohen even talks of the impact of our stuff on our mental health and yes, the climate. According to this article, our stuff purchasing accounts “for between 26 and 45 percent of global greenhouse gas emissions. While much of my stuff is old and sentimental, even my grandchildren are clearly impacted by my collecting of stuff. 

Cohen then introduces the notion of Swedish death cleaning - describing it as “rethinking your relationship with things.” He notes that “[d]ecades of research have shown that we subconsciously see our possessions as physical extensions of ourselves.” Simply put, we identify with our stuff. This identification can range from hoarding and unhealthy to healthy and nuanced. So, how do we stay healthy?

Naturally, a book exists - a quick look at Amazon reveals many, many books. (I have a problem with collecting books, so the irony here is rich. Maybe I'll order a Kindle version?) Cohen cites Margaretta Magnusson and The Gentle Art of Swedish Cleaning. Magnusson’s basics include: “Start with the easy stuff. There’s no rush but start now. Tell your loved ones. Keep the things that make you happy.” Cohen notes that most people who have successfully pared down their things have had some sort of framework. He also notes (and I’ve experienced) that when you feel convicted about having less stuff, it impacts your shopping life. 

I don’t know why my phone shows me what it does. The notion of Swedish death cleaning and this article did give me pause. Naturally, there is a TV show; I think I can get one episode for free. I’ve learned that I need a framework. My current question is: Do I want my kids to have to deal with this? I can keep reading books and articles and watching TV to more fully develop this framework for me (or to delay the journey). I think I noted this before - time will tell. 

https://www.washingtonpost.com/climate-environment/2023/08/01/swedish-death-cleaning-method/

What We Keep: A Precious Cape

I found a beautiful wool cape in the furthest corner of my late mom’s closet. Covered in plastic, I knew the cape was important, but oh the cobwebs and dust. I sneezed a bit as I uncovered it and found myself struck dumb. I recognized what must have been her RN cape - circa early 1960s when she graduated from nursing school and began her career in the same local hospital that she would finish in 40 years later. The day had been long. The task to empty my parents’ home of more than 50 years. I was tired. I had already let go of so much to the dumpster and a very large fire. Overwhelming - but the cape, I kept. 

I have been thinking so much of what we keep and what we let go as I enter a new phase: grandmother, retired from full time librarianship and teaching. The cleaning of the house exacerbated these thoughts. My mom evidently kept EVERYTHING. I can’t  put my own kids through this kind of ordeal. I have been a keeper of things. I have most of the historical dishes passed down, outfits my kids wore as infants, some college notes, holiday decorations that haven’t been used in years, but sure might be. Oh - and the crafting supplies, I have a mountain. My stuff is maybe better organized, but still so much. 

So, how do we decide, if it doesn’t come naturally, what to keep and what to let go? I don’t think I can just go by my feelings about things because my feelings got me here. I have watched hundreds of hours of cleaning and organizing shows in the past (Niecy Nash anyone? Peter Walsh?). I have watched all of Home Edit and Marie Kondo more recently. But I guess it was more of an exercise than an education. I’d love to think I’m going to approach this in an organized and logical way. Ummm…time will tell.

The cape was an easy keep. I will clean it, and my daughter will wear it. If you’ve read “Everyday Use” by Alice Walker (I taught it in my former life), I guess I’ve become one who uses not preserves. The heritage of my mom’s nursing will be celebrated each time the cape is worn. I will feel a tiny prick, wishing I had known it was there while mom was alive - she clearly treasured it. I wish I could hear the story of its purchase and how she felt the first time she pulled it over her shoulders.